The Effects of Single Parenting

Newly single parents often find themselves wondering what the effects of single parenting might be. I think this question comes from fear: fear that as individuals, they are not adequate to do the job. After all, not many people consciously choose to become single parents. For many, they wake up one day and are unexpectedly alone, with a job to do all by themselves that they had expected to do with a partner.

Typical assumptions about the effects of single parenting are that the child will end up with behavior problems or will live in a lower financial class. It is widely assumed that having only one parent is a major disadvantage. Is this necessarily true?

Granted, single parenting is not peaches and cream. I know when I first became a single parent, I was beyond overwhelmed. The problem was bigger than I was, or so I thought. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. I didn’t want to face alone problems with money, teachers, doctors or even other parents. I hated Father’s Day when my older daughter was in elementary school. She was forced to make a card for her absent father, and the knowledge that he had no interest whatsoever in her was very painful for her. Try as I might, I couldn’t convince her that I was functioning as both her mother and father, and therefore there would be nothing wrong with her giving a father’s day card to me. She wasn’t impressed.

I think this is an example that the effects of single parenting are often not so much about the aloneness of the parent, as it is about how well the parent is able to rise above the challenges. This is actually true in two parent homes as well – that how well-adjusted the child is depends on how well-adjusted the parents are.

Single parenting offers challenges that the parent hasn’t yet experienced, and a period of time to adjust may be necessary. In the case of a sudden death or a bitter divorce, the child may feel lost while the newly single parent is groping for coping skills that he or she doesn’t have yet. But the effects of single parenting in this case are that the child may reach within himself or herself to take on added responsibility, maybe even to develop a new-found sense of self-esteem at being able to actually contribute to the family.

Extra people may step up to the plate and fill the void left by the absent parent. An older sibling, aunts or uncles may try to be present during significant events such as ball games or dance recitals. Friends and neighbors may even come forward when needed. Being part of an extended community such as a church or a single parent support group is valuable to children of single parent homes.

The effects of single parenting can actually be positive. Spending quality one-on-one time with your child allows you to develop a stronger bond than you would have if you hadn’t been raising the child alone. Your child is learning skills to process disappointment and pain that he or she will continue to use for a lifetime. Even though you would not have chosen this path, the way you have responded to the difficulties and challenges of your life may be shaping your child’s character for the better.

Return from Effects of Single Parenting to Home Page