The Puzzling Preteen

If I had to choose one word to describe the preteen years, it is “puzzling”. Parents expect to face challenges during the teen years, but the pre-adolescent years come with challenges of their own and sometimes catch parents off-guard. Children who have always gotten along well with their parents suddenly become argumentative. They may get angry or irritated at the drop of a hat. They spend hours behind closed doors, talking to friends on the phone. Their peers are suddenly much more important than their parents.

The changes of the preteen years occur at a different pace for different children, but one thing is definite: change is in the works. Your child is beginning to resist thinking of himself or herself as a child. He or she is beginning to go through both physical as well as emotional changes which often they don’t understand.

The onset of puberty sometimes occurs as early as nine years old, and this may be confusing for an unprepared youth. Many children experience a sudden growth spurt and may feel self-conscious and conspicuous, particularly if their peers are not growing as fast as they are.

It’s important that you help your child understand the physical changes that are starting to occur, and let them know that what they are experiencing is normal. Encourage your preteen to share his or her fears and feelings with you.

Sudden hormone shifts may lead to equally sudden mood swings. Mood swings are as confusing to the pre-adolescent as they are to parents. Often they have never experienced emotions with the intensity they are now.

Preteens may suddenly question their parents’ rules, even if they never have before. They may begin to protest things they think are unfair. Their peers are becoming more and more important. They may want to spend less time with family and more time with friends. In fact, this is the age that your child may suddenly feel embarrassed to be seen with you. This seems like puzzling behavior at first.

Although you may feel not only puzzled, but hurt if your child rejects your company, keep in mind that this is the job of the pre-adolescent years – to challenge authority, to test the rules, and to begin to think for themselves. Your job is to continue to offer love and support and to rise to each challenge that presents itself. The transition from child to adult has begun.