The Stress of Parenting - Have You Lost Yourself?I remember years ago, when I was new to single parenting, I had a friend who was deliciously single. She would come and go as she chose and did not understand why I couldn’t impulsively join her, when she would make sudden plans on a whim. One day I told her, “You have two choices in life. You can have a life – or you can have children. I have a child, so I no longer have a life.” My response was a direct reflection on my inexperience, at my sense of being overwhelmed at the stress of parenting, particularly how alone I was with it all. I missed the freedom of sleeping late, of approaching life as a vagabond, traveling aimlessly and without forethought. I missed that self-absorbed feeling of not having anyone to worry about but myself. I don’t have that kind of negative attitude about parenting any more. I have survived days and times that I thought I couldn’t and it has strengthened my belief in myself and my ability to handle whatever is put in front of me. Not only that, my children have enriched my life in a way I never could have predicted in those overwhelming early days. Now I find that I look at middle-aged friends who are childless with a sense of pity at the opportunities and challenges they have missed in choosing to stay childless. At the same time, I can relate to parents who are still in the throes of being overwhelmed by the stress of parenting. I can relate to that feeling of being lost in homework, chauffeuring children to activities, doctor’s visits, household responsibilities and children who are competing for your attention. I can relate to stay-at-home moms who are overwhelmed because they never have a break or a moment to themselves, and working moms who are juggling a job, cooking, cleaning and the demands of those around them. One lesson I learned years ago has been very healing for me. An elderly woman who had a very profound effect on my life said to me one day, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your daughter. Do something for yourself for a change.” That was when I began to understand that being a parent didn’t have to mean I no longer had a self. Gradually I learned about the delicate balance between taking care of my child and taking care of myself. I didn’t have to get lost or to stop being who I was just because I was a parent. Around the same time, I read a book that made me realize that no matter how stressful and crazy life became, there was still time for me, and it didn’t have to be a big chunk of time. The book is called One Minute for Yourself Take some time to acknowledge who you are and what is important to you in life. What are the things that bring you joy? What is missing from your life and how can you work at getting it back? Take baby steps toward allowing some time and money just for you, whether it’s a bubble bath, a night out with friends or an hour on the computer uninterrupted. By reclaiming yourself, you will become a more satisfied and joyful parent. You will set a powerful example for your children. You will become the best parent you can be. Return from Stress of Parenting to Home Page
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by Spencer Johnson, and for any parent overwhelmed by the stress of parenting, this book is a must-read.
